Why are the hardest things to talk about the ones that need it the most??

I’m not going to use the word because I can barely say it out loud and even just the thought of it brings me a great deal of pain but it’s something that needs to be addressed. Not just for myself personally but for all the other valuable and vulnerable people out there who are suffering in silence.
For something that is so common why is it not talked about more.? It’s hard to believe that 1 in 4 people suffer from some form of  mental illness. A silent killer. With the statistics so high why is there nothing been done about it? With the stigma still so real and raw to many. We all know the signs, we all know someone who is suffering in the never ending silence but yet we refuse to speak out loud about it.
As someone who has been and still is battling my own demon’s, I am still awaiting the day for when self acceptance and peace  within my mind will arrive.  Some days I’m not sure if I will ever get there. Other days I feel like I’m on top of the world. Everyone has there own  internal battle going on and therefore has no right to judge anyone else for what they think or feel. You can’t possibly understand  what it’s like to be in someone’s mind or walk in someone else’s shoes until you’ve experienced something like this yourself.

Nothing about this is rational. Denial is a huge portion. Forgiveness and acceptance is the last part everyone is waiting on. Everything in between is a huge battle between sink or swim. Fight or give up.  It’s exhausting.  Everyday tasks seem impossible. Every breath, every movement requires a tremendous amount of effort.  The want to curl up and  go into hibernation is an ever increasing thought. Drinking away the pain is something that does not solve the pain but temporarily numbs the feelings. There is no one combination of words that can be put together to try and explain to the surrounding world out there what is going on in the deep ruins of your mind. I would do anything to take away the mental and emotional pain running through me in at this present point in time but I haven’t been successful in deciphering a plan just yet.

Yet we somehow manage to wake up everyday and plod along just to get things done and get through the day. Do what needs doing. Its difficult to imagine that there are other people out there who are experiencing the same set of emotions yet it is hushed like its the monster in the room and no one is to dear talk about it. That they can hide it, bury it so it doesn’t surface and no one can know the unbearable suffering they are experiencing. Still it is the monsters in our head that are getting the better of us.

Time passes ever so slowly. Each tick of the second hand feels like an eternity. Waiting for night to arrive is all I do just to feel peace and be able to close my mind off to the world around me. There is something about the stillness of the night that brings around a sense a tranquility once the train of thoughts has run out of fuel and come to a halt. Some days which eventually turn into night and so forth is a constant wait for the thoughts to cease.

Feeling lost and alone in this world is nothing new to me. These thoughts and emotions are always flowing through my veins, like I was born with them. The day acceptance and peace arrives will be the day I can be at peace with myself and the world. Until then, each and every individual continues to fight their own personal crusade until they find their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.