‘Put yourself’ first.
Self love is by no means an easy feat. My mother who is 55 says that she is still trying to find herself and learn to love and accept things as they are. So thank goodness I am not expected to have my shit sorted right now at the present age of 22. Don’t get me wrong I would love to have my life together and be happy and content with who I am and what I plan to do for the rest of my long and tedious life I have ahead of me. But unfortunately I can only do what I can and that is to make it through one day at a time. Place one foot in front of each and keeping moving.
For as long as I can remember its been an unwritten rule in my mind that I am not good enough, that I never will be. That no one will ever like me let alone love me because I am not good enough. I dont have the intelligence or secretly hidden talents to impress society. I dont have a qualification that is going to make me a lot of money now or in the future. The looks, stamina, speech or drive for which the world expects you to have. That is simply not in my DNA. Ever since I can remember and I cannot put a date or age on it I have had a lot of self hatred and doubt in the deep and complicated ruins of my mind. I have been on my own for far too long (but I am now content with this), I have talked to far to many friends and family, and I have even spoken with psychologists but not even they can solve my problems. So I guess its down to me to solve the rubix cube of thoughts within my mind.
Which is why I have adopted the scheme to work on myself, for myself and no one else.
Its time to put ME first. To live MY life the way I want. To do what I want and not care what anyone else thinks. Family, friends, society. FUCK you all. All your standards, preconceptions, and unwritten rules that each individual has to follow just to be ‘good enough’. Well Im sick of succumbing to these destructing thoughts and trends so Im going to go my own way and do what makes ME happy so I can be at peace and learn to accept myself.